Of fathers

I went to the river on “Fathers’ day” because it was an especially hard day for me. I had lost my dear father exactly 3 months and 1 week before. It was as if when he vanished along with the hour we skipped when jumping ahead to the summer time... With all that has happened since in my life, I have not been able to row, which only made me feel worse. I have fallen again in the same trap many of us often fall into: when things get really rough, we let ourselves carried away and completely forget to take the time we needed to tap into our inner sources of strength.  Why did I deny myself for so long taking the time to be on the water, rowing my single scull at dawn, when it had helped me recover my peace and overall strength so many times before?

On this particular morning I went out on the river later than usual, so I was not very surprised to find myself surrounded by a large number of leisure boats. However, after passing a number of them I realized that the average age on the river was much lower than usual. Every boat carried an adult male and one or more children. Apparently paddling or fishing with one’s kids is a popular way to spend Fathers’ day. I rarely see such mixed age crews more often on the river - I wonder why?

We did not observe Fathers’ day as I was growing up in my native country. I thought of my dad, and tried to think about leisurely activities we had shared. My father used to be a very busy professional and I was a girl. I do remember the three of us (with mom) hiking and the many week-ends when he drove us, my mother and I, out of town to picnic into the nearby woods. He loved to grill and would gather the needed dry wood while I loved sauntering around him picking wild flowers (I gave up on helping with gathering the wood since it never seemed to pass his quality inspection).  Upon returning from the woods, on many Sunday afternoons, I would sit next to my dad and watch soccer together with him, I became a fan of his team – if he ever wished he had a son to watch with instead, he never mentioned it to me…

Actually I cannot remember my father taking me out on the water or participating to some fun activities only with me (mom seems to have been always included). However, I do remember him spending serious quality time with me so many times: explaining, rationalizing, sometimes disciplining, other times encouraging me.  So, where ever the tumultuous stream of my life has taken me, I knew my father was always in my boat. I hope he still is…

A case of mind over matter?

“Yes, absolutely: If you don’t mind, it does not matter!’ replied Reuben, the Dolphin Club’s boat captain, who was giving me a tour of the swimming and boating club in San Francisco Bay. What a treat! The visit to the Dolphin opened my eyes to a whole new level of physical and mental fitness needed to swim in the Bay waters and the harmonious cooperation between people who love making headway (moving) in or over the water.

At the end of a business trip to San Francisco, I decided to see if I might be able to row at one of the local clubs. One of the wonderful things I had discovered about becoming a rower is that it creates an invisible but real connection with many other like minded people worldwide. I have yet to find a place that would not extend the invite to visit and possibly row at the local facilities. Googling “rowing in San Francisco” brought up info on several Bay Area clubs. The closest to my location carried the additional designation of “swimming” in its name. I had seen boating, sailing, paddling, and kayaking added to the rowing, but the notion that rowers and swimmers shared a club was puzzling to me. While the e-mail reply warned me that I won’t be allowed to row because I could not claim open water experience, I was nevertheless cordially invited to visit the club.

On a beautiful but chilly early November morning I eagerly walked down Nob Hill to the edge of the Bay. I found myself in front of a building that from the street looked itself as a large white and blue boat. Once inside, I was transported in time! The club, founded in 1877, (see history) boasts in its great wood paneled room a full size wooden bar similar to those I’ve discovered in the old boat houses of Philadelphia – apparently a feature required by boaters till the 19th century… A fleet of large, carefully maintained, wooden boats still used for open water rowing reminded me of other antique boating equipment I had used at the Roskilde Roklub, that is built on a fjord next to the Viking museum in Denmark. Many pictures and trophies documenting a long and proud history were also on display. However, the most impressive discovery occurred when I exited toward the water side of the boat house: people, several older than me, in their bathing suits cheerfully greeting each other while coming out or waddling into the frigid water. My feeling of confidence, gained from sporting only a light leather jacket that morning when most passersby were shivering in puffy jackets and huddling paper cups of hot coffee, quickly gave way to humility! A stunning view of the bay with pink fog rolling in and out over the Golden Gate Bridge added to my awe. It turned out to be a very good day to observe these people whose determination made them not only able to but actually willing to brave the chilly open waters of the Bay. I was shown pictures of 80+ yo members who still swam the Golden Gate Bridge route or had crossed the English Channel.

I asked Reuben what it takes to be able to brave the cold open waters of the Bay? He told me about needing to persevere to gradually withstand water’s low temperature, having the metabolism to sustain the swim, and staying fit into old age. And I learned that this club holds… hypothermia classes. Above all, I was told it’s about a state of mind. As Reuben put it, “We do not have to swim in these waters, we chose – and love- to!” My visit was a revelation. When swimming clubs will be mentioned from now on, I will not automatically picture a pool, inevitably limited in length, with water warmed at a comfortable temperature. I now understood why I was not allowed to row: I needed to be able to swim in those waters should the wake of a passing tanker flip my boat.

I had to leave to catch my return flight, but I had trouble extracting myself from the scene. I had taken dozens of pictures (still hard to find one that does justice to the real thing). One last look: wide sky above blue and gold open waters. Pink fog. The Golden Gate Bridge, Sausalito, Angel Island and Alcatraz. Tankers passing and honking in the distance. Boats and flocks of swimmers crossing in various directions. The smell of bacon. What a morning!

Get inspired

Being inspired by others is one of the most helpful things in achieving our hard to reach goals.

I have already shared my struggle to keep up my daily exercise routine during this time when I can’t go out on the water… It is difficult to block-off the time and in addition I find erg-ing (using a rowing machine indoors) just plain hard to do! I needed to work diligently on finding ways ("Start with the end in sight") to continue to use the rowing machine, but overall it did not seem to get any more enjoyable or any easier, especially with the long-drawn-out winter this year. No wonder I don’t seem to get any better at it! Thus, it may come across as odd that when I learned of an Indoor Rowing Championship “regatta” in my city, I decided to participate.

I have been previously to a grand total of two similar events. At the first one that happened ten or so years ago, I was able to buy my rowing machine at a discount (after being used during the competition). The second indoor rowing competition took place 6 yrs ago almost to the day. I let myself being talked into a “walk-in,” meaning I just showed up and rowed (no, I did not do great there); however, I have a pleasant memory of their atmosphere, seemingly positively charged from all the energy of those serious about competing. So, I decided to go get energized about erg-ing! Little did I know that I would not only immerse myself in an energizing crowd, but I would also meet two truly inspiring people.

Paul Randall will turn 93 this year and competed to defend his world champion title in the 90-95 yo category. I can say that he is the most energetic 90+ person I personally ever met. I watched in awe as he rowed the physically taxing 2K course and took a couple of pictures of him (stretching before the start and an "action" picture).

After his race I also took the opportunity to meet and congratulate him. He indicated it was not a ‘big deal’ that he beat the time required to qualify for the finals, as he explained it, he had been specifically training for this event since August. I caught myself before asking him “of which year”? But I did ask about his potential association with Indiana University, as he was wearing an academic athletic tank top. His explanation indicated that he was not only physically fit but also very witty. He said ‘Yes, I am an Alumn’ and then immediately followed ‘and I make sure I take good advantage of it! I called them up and asked if they were going to keep their promise to give me 1% for each year since I graduated. I pointed out to them that might mean 50% off"... He paused and said with a smile: “They checked their files and came back to say, ‘In fact, Mr. Randall, you are entitled to 59%. We will honor our pledge. We are not too worried, you are the only one in your age group who is still buying athletic gear!” Paul is on his way to Boston to defend his world title at the World Indoor Rowing Championships (also known as C.R.A.S.H.-b). A much younger heavy set guy sitting in the audience commented in response to my expressed admiration, “Well, sure he can be the champion, he probably does not have much competition in his age group.” To which I said, “Yes, you are likely right, but isn’t that exactly what a champion is, someone who greatly outdoes the competition?” I also thought: Will you start training to see what it really takes? Btw, while many rowers compete in the indoors events, it is not necessary to be one to do very well on an erg which eliminates the need to be able to balance the boat on the water while simultaneously pulling hard.

The other inspiring person I met is at the other end of the age spectrum. Mika Baugh is 19. I was so lucky to crash after my own race (about lessons learned from that adventure in a future post!) on a bench next to her proud grandfather. He seemed so overjoyed that he turned toward me and said: “My granddaughter is competing today and she is my hero!” Sounded as a rather surprising statement until he told me that Mika is an A student (was Valedictorian) and a star athlete at Indiana University. He added that Mika is also the President of the National Federation of the Blind of Indiana Student Division. And yes, Mika is blind. I decided that I needed to stay longer so that I could cheer for her. She not only competed, but also coached another young woman who seemed to be the only African American competitor. I received the permission of her mother and grandfather to publicly share my own admiration for Mika. They also introduced me to Mika after her race. Exactly as her family had warned me, she too acted as it was not a big deal that she had competed and qualified for the Adaptive rowing world finals in Boston. She however shared the fact that, sadly, she will not make the trip due to a shortage of funds.

Witnessing the strength of the human spirit in overcoming such great odds filled me with awe and brought me to tears – of joy! So, back to my erg-ing… let’s hear again, what was your excuse, Z?

In memoriam: Armin’s wish was granted

And so it goes, and so it goes… life is short, but if we get lucky we get to live it at its fullest and leave the way we wish.

This past week we got the sad news that one of our fellows rower died. Armin passed away while rowing in a double with his rowing buddy, Ed. It was of great comfort to all of us to learn about those last moments. Thank you, Ed, for writing such an inspiring message in spite of your own pain to make it widely available to those who knew Armin, or at least could relate to his love of rowing.

Ed described Armin as being “among other things anti-establishment, a romantic, poet, artisan, father, brother and friend. He knew the value of friendship and once befriended he never abandoned the 'ship'." Indeed, Armin did not abandon their ship, he simply stayed the course until his wish was granted… This sad event allowed all to learn more about Armin than they had a chance to learn under normal circumstances. We learned that while Armin and Ed were planning to row together into their 80s, Armin’s personal wish was to pass away while rowing. Many of us who spend significant time on the water have similar “exit plans." A few years back, based on her wishes, I myself had spread the ashes of a previous rowing partner from a boat. It was sad but comforting for us to watch the white petals spread in the same time being slowly washed away. We toasted to her life with champagne and rowed back in silence. I do not know of what comes next or where she might be now, but I do think of her every time I row by the site. I am hoping that she has found peace.

Ed also told us about his last row with Armin that he felt “privileged to have shared his last moments and close his eyes” and he then spoke directly to Armin: “You will be missed my good friend, you will be missed. Thank you for being a part of my life. You are and always will be a part of my heart. You have finally found peace. Watch over us. You were never religious. I bet you were surprised to find the afterlife. You became a believer Friday night for I was present when you experienced in the words of the poet, Thomas Ady, 'the four angels round your head, one to watch , and one to pray, and two to bear your soul away'. How would I know, I saw the peace on your face.”

Tomorrow, June 14, 2009, rowers, family and other friends will hold a memorial service on the banks of the Chattahoochee river to celebrate Armin’s life.

Brand Thyself

When meeting people I have not seen in years, including in professional situations, one of the questions they are most likely to ask me is: "So, are you still rowing? How's it going?" I was first surprised, maybe even disconcerted ("is that the first thing they can think about, what about my work?!?") especially when this occurred meeting professional contacts. Then I realized that it is in fact an advantage to have something distinctive about me that helps people remember me after years.

My passion for rowing had likely appeared as quite unique to them; maybe some people secretly think it's crazy for a mature professional woman to row. However, I chose to believe that the question is mostly rooted into a genuine curiosity and maybe respect for the effort and dedication needed to maintain this extracurricular activity. It is good when people associate you with passion, perseverance, stamina, competitiveness, interest in healthy living. It is also a great ice-breaker (i.e., "what could I safely ask about after all these years?!?") and many times it helped me connect with people I might otherwise have not connected with.

Here is how my passion for the sport primed a new business connection for me. I was working in a large corporation and I had just been introduced to someone fairly new to the company, working in a rather distant department. Upon hearing my name, the guy immediately smiled and said: "your fame has preceded you", and he added he had already heard of my… rowing! This came as a total surprise to me, I am an amateur rower, not a widely known athlete, what was he talking about? However this guy said he had heard of me while on his first business trip with other people from our company. The group was driving along the Potomac in Washington DC, when they spotted and followed the performance of a single skinny rowing boat taking on the mighty river. Someone from the group proudly announced that there was this woman from the corporation who was "able to do THAT" and she announced my name. Here I was, branded as the praiseworthy athlete back-home, making them proud to know of me! My new business acquaintance went on to say that he was so intrigued by the idea of rowing that once back into town he decided to check into the local opportunities. He had meanwhile become a member of the rowing community and was absolutely loving it, "Thanks to you!" he added. Feeling we were connected already through our passion for the sport, he then expressed interest in working together on a professional project.