Of fathers

I went to the river on “Fathers’ day” because it was an especially hard day for me. I had lost my dear father exactly 3 months and 1 week before. It was as if when he vanished along with the hour we skipped when jumping ahead to the summer time... With all that has happened since in my life, I have not been able to row, which only made me feel worse. I have fallen again in the same trap many of us often fall into: when things get really rough, we let ourselves carried away and completely forget to take the time we needed to tap into our inner sources of strength.  Why did I deny myself for so long taking the time to be on the water, rowing my single scull at dawn, when it had helped me recover my peace and overall strength so many times before?

On this particular morning I went out on the river later than usual, so I was not very surprised to find myself surrounded by a large number of leisure boats. However, after passing a number of them I realized that the average age on the river was much lower than usual. Every boat carried an adult male and one or more children. Apparently paddling or fishing with one’s kids is a popular way to spend Fathers’ day. I rarely see such mixed age crews more often on the river - I wonder why?

We did not observe Fathers’ day as I was growing up in my native country. I thought of my dad, and tried to think about leisurely activities we had shared. My father used to be a very busy professional and I was a girl. I do remember the three of us (with mom) hiking and the many week-ends when he drove us, my mother and I, out of town to picnic into the nearby woods. He loved to grill and would gather the needed dry wood while I loved sauntering around him picking wild flowers (I gave up on helping with gathering the wood since it never seemed to pass his quality inspection).  Upon returning from the woods, on many Sunday afternoons, I would sit next to my dad and watch soccer together with him, I became a fan of his team – if he ever wished he had a son to watch with instead, he never mentioned it to me…

Actually I cannot remember my father taking me out on the water or participating to some fun activities only with me (mom seems to have been always included). However, I do remember him spending serious quality time with me so many times: explaining, rationalizing, sometimes disciplining, other times encouraging me.  So, where ever the tumultuous stream of my life has taken me, I knew my father was always in my boat. I hope he still is…

In memoriam: Armin’s wish was granted

And so it goes, and so it goes… life is short, but if we get lucky we get to live it at its fullest and leave the way we wish.

This past week we got the sad news that one of our fellows rower died. Armin passed away while rowing in a double with his rowing buddy, Ed. It was of great comfort to all of us to learn about those last moments. Thank you, Ed, for writing such an inspiring message in spite of your own pain to make it widely available to those who knew Armin, or at least could relate to his love of rowing.

Ed described Armin as being “among other things anti-establishment, a romantic, poet, artisan, father, brother and friend. He knew the value of friendship and once befriended he never abandoned the 'ship'." Indeed, Armin did not abandon their ship, he simply stayed the course until his wish was granted… This sad event allowed all to learn more about Armin than they had a chance to learn under normal circumstances. We learned that while Armin and Ed were planning to row together into their 80s, Armin’s personal wish was to pass away while rowing. Many of us who spend significant time on the water have similar “exit plans." A few years back, based on her wishes, I myself had spread the ashes of a previous rowing partner from a boat. It was sad but comforting for us to watch the white petals spread in the same time being slowly washed away. We toasted to her life with champagne and rowed back in silence. I do not know of what comes next or where she might be now, but I do think of her every time I row by the site. I am hoping that she has found peace.

Ed also told us about his last row with Armin that he felt “privileged to have shared his last moments and close his eyes” and he then spoke directly to Armin: “You will be missed my good friend, you will be missed. Thank you for being a part of my life. You are and always will be a part of my heart. You have finally found peace. Watch over us. You were never religious. I bet you were surprised to find the afterlife. You became a believer Friday night for I was present when you experienced in the words of the poet, Thomas Ady, 'the four angels round your head, one to watch , and one to pray, and two to bear your soul away'. How would I know, I saw the peace on your face.”

Tomorrow, June 14, 2009, rowers, family and other friends will hold a memorial service on the banks of the Chattahoochee river to celebrate Armin’s life.

Become a better person: celebrate your competitors

My best ever birthday party was a surprise one, but not the kind friends lovingly plan well in advance. My best birthday party was a celebration spontaneously thrown by… my competitors!

I was part of a rowing team participating in a 5K head race. As usual in such races, boats have to row way back past the start line and then wait patiently their turn to be called to engage in the race. All the competing teams registered in our category were gently maneuvering against the river currents, trying to maintain their on hold position. The tension was palpable. We were all secretly checking out the other teams, while nevertheless trying to stay composed and to visualize our own victory. There is a definite respect we all have for anybody who shows up for such Masters races. We come from all walks of life. We all have different life stories and our own rowing histories… Some of these people might have lived glorious days of winning in national and international competitions, some learned to row while in college, and some of us started much later in life, like myself. Yet we were all there for this race, willing to engage into a fair competition. Before it would be all over there was no way of telling the amount of mental and physical power concealed under those sun glasses, caps, club colors, and, of course, those wrinkles. Did I mention that we all tend to display at least some in my age category? Sweat does not mix well with make-up or mascara…

As if just to break the tension-loaded silence, suddenly one of my team mates blurts out loudly enough to be heard by the other boats in our race that it was my birthday! I was so startled that I almost lost control of the oars and I felt I might be sinking through the bottom of our boat. Spontaneously, all the surrounding teams burst into singing: "Happy birthday to yoooouuuu… Happy birthday to YOU!" I looked around me, thinking: "wow, they do not even know my name, and I do not know theirs. All they know is that I am another fellow rower." Some might add: one crazy enough to compete on her birthday, when she could be comfortably sitting in the shade on the river banks, sipping a cold drink. For all intents and purposes, I was also their competitor that day. The sun was close to setting, the water was sparkling with fire, we all were gathered and connected by our love for the sport and through our respect for the competition and the other participants – it was truly a magical moment!

With all due apologies to all my friends and family who took pains to organize many pleasant celebrations for me, this spontaneous minute-long river festivity enacted by my competitors still feels like the most special birthday celebration on my personal record…

Oxygen finally gets to my brain!

I read about research showing that when confronted with stress such as that created by a great dilemma or a difficult problem, the best way to find the answer is to... forget about it. Not really, but you'd do better putting all your worries aside while purposefully engaging in a physical activity. There were technical details showing that when stress hormones reached their peak in the brain they were actually blocking mental capacity, while redirecting all attention to a physical activity such as golf, allowed the brain to work at full capacity in the background. There are several theories trying to explain why regularly performing physical activities has extremely positive consequences for your brain. The Romans knew it already and had captured the concept in their typically concise fashion: “Mens sana in corpore sano” (healthy mind in a healthy body). J.F.K., a promoter a physical and mental fitness, paraphrased that to: “Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity".

I have been using my early morning rowing as my best time to think and get my “aha” moments for the past several years. Many of the most interesting solutions for my work and the big decisions came to me effortlessly while rowing (that is if I do not take into consideration the effort to power the boat!). I concluded, maybe too simplistically, that due to the heavy breathing during rowing probably enough oxygen was finally reaching to my otherwise poorly ventilated, thus starving brain! So, at some point after spontaneously and repeatedly experiencing this benefit, I made the conscientious decision that I would not waste any more time trying to desperately think through the most important issues during work hours, or lose any sleep over them. I would simply formulate the question and then put it away into my brain, expecting to get the answer during my early morning row. It then started to happen without fail: I would spend half of my on-water time going down the river concentrating on the rowing drills. I would then turn around and start the long steady row back, and the solution would just come to me. Of course, my die-hard athlete friends had commented that “while on the water one should only think rowing”. Yes, I agree, that would be best for my rowing performance, yet, what’s best for me, the whole person, is that great body-mind connection I get while rowing. OK, also consider that many times I actually rowed much harder on my way back to the dock, in a hurry to capture in writing those great ideas before they would soon dissipate upon re-immersion into the daily grind chatter.

What's in it for me?

Staying physically active can provide much more than what meets the eye... My hope is to motivate myself and others to stick with it in spite of all the competing priorities and all the fresh excuses I am able to come up with on a daily basis. Maybe even inspire others to get started. I learned it is never too late to get started, but no good reason to delay it!

You may be like me, past the age of high stakes athletic competitions, or maybe even more like me, never been there. And if not already engaged in some sort of regular physical exercise, you are likely to immediately think: “I am a very busy person, I do not have time for exercise”. OK, I have news for you, the busier you are, the more you would need to make the time. Even if you would like to make time, you might wonder how could you possibly justify to yourself, to your family, or to your boss taking the time to exercise. Indeed, all could legitimately ask: “what’s in it for me?!?”

I will try to exemplify in my future posting some of the benefits I derive beyond physical fitness and health. Let's quickly mention a few that come to mind:

• Make room for deep breathing and thinking
• Extract valuable life and business lessons
• New opportunities to get to know yourself better and to become a better person
• Create a brand for yourself
• Connect with like-minded people, forge life-long friendships
• Look and feel your best
• Enjoy a fair competition
• Create an opportunity to do something you have always dreamed of
• The best way to spend the midlife crisis or an empty nester surge of extra energy and time
• Inspire others, help them realize a dream

I hope you found something you would consider worthwhile. While you may well relate to these, my own perceptions have been likely shaped by my choice of sport and my own individual situation. Yep, just in case you were wondering, I am a gal. I would like to believe the verdict of a personality test I took a few years back was accurate. After having answered many of those twisted, forced, multiple choice questions, this stated that I was a “sporty girl”. I was relieved, actually pleased, it sounds even better for someone of a “certain age” like myself.
So, I am counting on getting help with additional perspectives from those of you, guys and gals, who have already enjoyed the benefits of regularly engaging in some kind of athletic endeavor, in spite (or should I say rather to support) an already very active life. You might be doing yoga or lifting weights, cycling, running or playing team sports or golf...

What’s in it for you?